Tables Turned, Priorities Scorned

It may be the greatest miracle of all time! I am interested in a guy who is also into me. I may be too quick to speak (to post) because there has been only one date, but I like to think I have a certain sense about things like this. And what am I basing this "sense" on? Nothing, nothing at all. I have no experience with things like this working out well. But today it feels good and I'm going to preserve that for the millions of netizens who read this blog. Or, you know, the three netizens.

After the rather depressing post preceding this one, it is nice to be able to honestly say that I am happy right now. The feeling may self-destruct before the end of the day but it EXISTS. A person commented on my last (depressing) post in response to my query about the location of the happiness-depository (so I could pick some up) with this statement:

"I think you have to pretend you don't wanna be happy..or something.. then you are showered with happy.. it's stupid. (-Yeti)

And it's so fucking true. I hadn't even read the comment until today, when I went to post about my happiness, and I realized that it did come when I had all but given up on it ever being like this. But, happiness in a relationship (listen to me, talking as if I know what it is like to be in a relationship) sometimes comes at the expense of other things that were previously the source of your happiness. Like a particularly close friendship or a burgeoning hobby or a quest to expand your horizons. Or maybe not, maybe I just don't know what it means to be part of a "couple," me and another person being a package. Do you change yourself for them? Do they change you? Is that supposed to happen? Isn't that what everyone aims for, to finally be part of someone else's life and decisions? Is the sum greater than the parts?

I am so so so pissed off right now and I can't figure out why. Everything that seems to have set me off has happened before without incident and even all together they are sort of "whatever."

SO, first of all I'm out with my male roommate (gay) and his best friend, my other (female) roommate at some lame Lincoln Park bar (they go to DePaul, they probably can't help it). So, gay roommate is talking about just how much sex he has with his boyfriend. So much! They even broke his bed! That sort of made me a little uncomfortable cuz I ain't gettin any lately. I guess that means I am jealous. Anyway girl roommate is being super boring, it's her 21st birthday and she says "no shots" and is slowly sipping her long island iced tea and I'm all, "I'm outta here"

BECAUSE my friend Josh from when I went to school in Florida is in town! Can't wait to see him! He's one of my favorite people. I ditch the Lincoln Park thing and head to Clarke's to eat with them. But the bus never comes and I'm super pissed and I say fuck it and walk all the way to the 151 by Belmont. Then I realize i'm sad over Josh, who has a boyfriend. why is everyone happy with other people? It's not really like I want them for myself but GODDAMN if i don't want a piece of the happy.

Where's it at, people? I WANT SOME