This blog is ridiculous, I never write. If anyone is reading this, you are ridiculous too. I'm so angry right now, angry in the quiet, shocked kind of way. I guess it's the type of angry my parents always were when they said they were disappointed in me. It is about my friend, one friend who I had considered a best, but I guess I was letting him get by on his legacy status too much. I can't remember the last time we really had fun without forcing it, the last time I needed to share something with him. Maybe I can, but it was probably because there was no other peer so similar to me, no other gay guys I would have really considered sharing anything with. I'm just so upset that he could just decide that he doesn't need me before I could decide I don't need him.
Breaking up with your friends is the worst.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tables Turned, Priorities Scorned
It may be the greatest miracle of all time! I am interested in a guy who is also into me. I may be too quick to speak (to post) because there has been only one date, but I like to think I have a certain sense about things like this. And what am I basing this "sense" on? Nothing, nothing at all. I have no experience with things like this working out well. But today it feels good and I'm going to preserve that for the millions of netizens who read this blog. Or, you know, the three netizens.
After the rather depressing post preceding this one, it is nice to be able to honestly say that I am happy right now. The feeling may self-destruct before the end of the day but it EXISTS. A person commented on my last (depressing) post in response to my query about the location of the happiness-depository (so I could pick some up) with this statement:
"I think you have to pretend you don't wanna be happy..or something.. then you are showered with happy.. it's stupid. (-Yeti)
And it's so fucking true. I hadn't even read the comment until today, when I went to post about my happiness, and I realized that it did come when I had all but given up on it ever being like this. But, happiness in a relationship (listen to me, talking as if I know what it is like to be in a relationship) sometimes comes at the expense of other things that were previously the source of your happiness. Like a particularly close friendship or a burgeoning hobby or a quest to expand your horizons. Or maybe not, maybe I just don't know what it means to be part of a "couple," me and another person being a package. Do you change yourself for them? Do they change you? Is that supposed to happen? Isn't that what everyone aims for, to finally be part of someone else's life and decisions? Is the sum greater than the parts?
After the rather depressing post preceding this one, it is nice to be able to honestly say that I am happy right now. The feeling may self-destruct before the end of the day but it EXISTS. A person commented on my last (depressing) post in response to my query about the location of the happiness-depository (so I could pick some up) with this statement:
"I think you have to pretend you don't wanna be happy..or something.. then you are showered with happy.. it's stupid. (-Yeti)
And it's so fucking true. I hadn't even read the comment until today, when I went to post about my happiness, and I realized that it did come when I had all but given up on it ever being like this. But, happiness in a relationship (listen to me, talking as if I know what it is like to be in a relationship) sometimes comes at the expense of other things that were previously the source of your happiness. Like a particularly close friendship or a burgeoning hobby or a quest to expand your horizons. Or maybe not, maybe I just don't know what it means to be part of a "couple," me and another person being a package. Do you change yourself for them? Do they change you? Is that supposed to happen? Isn't that what everyone aims for, to finally be part of someone else's life and decisions? Is the sum greater than the parts?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)