Reality

I have got to stop pretending that I can go to sleep at 3:30am and get up at 8am the next day. Especially if I've had a bottle of wine right before I go to bed. I have one of those selective memories and one idea I've preserved (with no solid examples or anecdotes to support it) is that I could, in fact, go to sleep at 3:30am and get up at 8am when I was a freshman in college. I think the C from my 8:30am anthropology class that year wants to say otherwise. Anyway, it's past noon and I'm just getting started on the stuff I'd planned to do between 9am and 11:30am.

More Alcohol!

It's been a while since I've felt as near-panicked and worthless as I did this morning. There wasn't really a reason, other than the fact that I drank away the weekend I had intended to be productive during. And I didn't just drink it away in the normal way, beers at the bar and a hangover until 1pm. No, in addition to that, this weekend was all about drinking in the middle of the afternoon alone to incapacitate myself, so I didn't have to draw a still life. Yes, I do that, drink to avoid doing things that are not entirely difficult but still fill me with that familiar dread. The fear of failure, most likely. I mean, I've already resolved to start that still life tonight, but I've also eaten my little dish of vodka-soaked watermelons and sucked down the leftover liquor with a straw while I finished a book. And I completely plan to open a bottle of wine while I pull out the fancy paper and arrange my pencils besides me on the bed. So it will be lucky if the drawing resembles anything on the table I'm supposed to be drawing and not a pile of intestines.

Did I mention I started design school? It's my fun (terrifying) new way to put off needing a job. I guess the worst case scenario is that I fail Drawing 1; what's so fucking terrible about that? Ugh, I just can't shake this feeling. Am I really turning into one of those people who get panic attacks? What have I done to myself?

Tpyos are going to riun me froevre

Man I fucking hate typos. If my web browser didn't have some program that underlines all the words I misspell when I write e-mails or online comments or even this blog, you would all think I spell at a 5th grade level. I mean I might still. Who knows.

Anyway, I forgot how great of a device this is for procrastination! I have a 50-question multi-choice test tomorrow morning in marketing, a class where I have taken a half-page of notes in 5 weeks and have never opened the book. Only fifteen minutes until midnight! 0 chapters down, 6 to go.

This picture is from the library, staring out at the dorms across the street. Look how cool I am with a macbook and maroon shoelaces. I was procrastinating then too.

Is time even moving?

Well, it's halfway through the week, a good solid hump-day, and I'm bored out of my mind. Not because there's nothing to do; exactly the opposite, really. I'm supposed to be researching junk mail for an advertising project (my senior thesis, or "capstone project" in Loyola-speak) but I told myself that I was going to do that after I go to the gym, but I'm putting that off too, just because it's kinda far away. Not that far, only a 10 minute bike ride, but it just feels early to be starting the chain of events that will end with me doing the research. If there was ever a better reason to pointlessly post a blog, I never heard it. Oh, there's also tons of stuff I should be doing for the clubs I'm in, PRSSA and IABC, since I decided it was a good idea to have an executive board position in not one, but TWO student organizations my senior year. Who am I trying to impress? Oh yeah, graduate schools and prospective employers. Regarding employers and this blog, I'm always half-worried that something I write will bite me in the ass, but I'm also half-hoping that someone will read this blog and offer me a job writing for gawker.com or something. I have journalistic cred! I'm taking Reporting and Writing this semester, sees ah canz write storees.

Actually, I really just wrote all this because I took this really cool, semi-anonymous picture this weekend and I thought it would be perfect for my blog. Also Hannah Montana was a repeat (well aren't they all) and so was Ned's Declassified Survival Guide, Law & Order, True Hollywood Stories: ANTM and after that I just stopped channel surfing, it was making me sad.

Fine, I guess i'll go! Unless there are some new blog posts that I've missed..... I'm gonna go check that out.